Love is not a cure for a lack of self confidence, self worth, old emotional scars, the need for confirmation of character and so on. If it is, there’s a big problem, if the love relationship goes on without working to resolve those issues, then it’s like sleeping with a monster under the bed. And one day that monster will come out.
This doesn’t mean that two people cannot come together and help each other heal old wounds, build self worth and so on. They can, they do, and love provides an amazing shelter for amazing transformations. But it, itself, is not the panacea.
Melanie Tonie Evans at (http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/relationship-addiction.htm) writes:
Addictive love is not healthy love. It’s obsession. This is confusing for many people, because they feel it so intensely and think – ‘It must be love!’ No, it’s not – it’s a chemical peptide rush that’s hooked into your body, and a deep subconscious self-abuse pattern that is playing out in your psyche. This is your body’s way of resurfacing past wounds to be consciously discovered and healed.
About a healthy love relationship, Roxanne Dryden-Edwards, MD at (http://www.medicinenet.com/confusing_love_with_obsession/views.htm) writes:
Healthy love tends to mature over the years to include commitment, friendship, and a solid respect for the other person as an individual and of their needs. Healthy relationships allow both people to feel loved, cared for, and respected and allow for each person’s individuality and pursuit of their own professional lives, recreational activities, and friendships outside of the love relationship.
Deborah Callah at (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-calla/the-difference-between-lo_b_562589.html) provides another example of what a healthy relationship should be based on, and I think, sums it up quite well:
Loving someone means we don’t need them but instead we want to share our lives with them, and most importantly we want to support them on their life’ journey. That means giving them the foundation to let them go and be whatever is going to allow them to grow as people and to fully experience life. There is a huge difference from “you have to stay with me no matter what” or “you can’t do this to me” to “I’m here loving you; go try out life”.
Whats unfortunate in the modern day relationship is the harsh realities, and the every day demands, that may not provide enough space to establish each others personal growth needs. In this situation, daily demands consume the day, and the relationship develops, but will the relationship fully develop? If time is not found to process the individuals needs for growing through any personal issues and finding their own space in which to stand tall, and love another without conditions or ‘needs’ then is it’s going to be a long struggle until they come together in a full and loving relationship.
A small piece of wisdom from a Buddhist disciple sums this more eloquently and directly to the point:
“Only with the most true self, can you meet the most suitable one.”