May it be with a friend, with your parents or with your special someone, arguments are not pretty (period). How exactly do you recover from a nasty argument? What do you do next? Do you make the first move or do you wait for the first move to be made? Deciding what to do next is a little tricky but something has to happen, something will happen whether you do something or not. One thing’s for sure, though, both parties will lose if you both decide to leave it at that without resolving the issue.
So here’s what you do…
1. Feel it out
Right after (or a few days after) the argument, you’re definitely going to feel heavy — heavy chest, heavy thoughts and etc. This, of course, is a normal response but the most important thing is to not do anything irrational based on what you’re currently feeling (which is terrible). Never make decisions or actions out of your anger.
Feel it out. Give yourself time to calm down and think. Breath and try not to think about the entire argument (at this point). You can do other things like wash the dishes, listen to some music, sing, exercise, etc — whatever is needed to get your mind off of the issue.
2. Assess it out
You can only proceed to step two when you’re calm. If you’re still not, don’t go any further…stop here and go back to keeping calm (feeling it out).
Once you’re entirely calm, it’s time to reassess the situation. Recall exactly what you were arguing about and think about what you’ve said. At this point, you have to be really objective with yourself because you have to acknowledge the fact that you may have to apologize for a few things — for the things that you’ve said, for the way that you acted, etc.
You may be going, “But I didn’t do anything wrong” and you’re probably right but you may have yelled or said things that really hurt the other person. Be honest with yourself so you can move on to step number 3.
3. Guess it out
This step will really require you to be sensitive because you’ll need to make an educated guess about how the other person feels. You’re going to base your decision on this so you’d have to be pretty good at telling whether they’re ready to talk or not. You need to decide if it’s too soon and if the other person still needs a bit more time to cool off.
4. Plan it out
The next thing that you need to do is to plan the next step that you’re going to take. Once you’ve established your guess, you need to be the bigger person and initiate the contact. It’s not easy and it wont be. Remember that rebuilding a connection or a relationship will never be easy so it’s up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth salvaging.
How exactly you’re going to do this is what you need to think long and hard for. A few ideas could be inviting the other person to brunch, to coffee or you could simply talk to the person in private.
Summing It All Up
You may be on your mad stage right now and you may not take our advice but think about this, what will happen to your relationship with this person if you don’t do anything? What will you do to save the relationship? Are you going to leave it like this, leaving the risk of your connection being totally cut off because of a small (or maybe big) argument?
Be the bigger person. Initiating the first move doesn’t always mean that you’re the one at fault or you’re the one that’s going to lose. It just means that you’re mature enough and that you value the relationship.